Jane’s Journey: Day 3 & 4

Note: This essay neither includes nor encourages recommendations of treatments for any illness. Always consult with your physician(s) before making any changes to your treatment.

In the following journal entries, my friend Jane—who is currently weaning herself off her cocktail of psychotropic meds so she can being microdosing psychedelic mushrooms—continues documenting withdrawal from her medications:

Day 3: Sept. 12, 2022

Headache at a 2 on the pain scale. I feel dizzy, sometimes, throughout the day. The strangest side effect though is that my thoughts actually feel clearer. Like my brain feels sharper…? I was confused. The meds do work. They’ve helped me stay alive. I haven’t self-harmed in almost 10 years. I asked my sister, a scientist, why this might be happening. She said it’s possible the antidepressants have shut down parts of my brain in order for me to cope with the depression. Now that those parts of my brain are exiting sleep mode, my thoughts might be clearer. I felt energy yesterday that has been absent for two years. I even tidied the kitchen and pantry. Even my therapist was shocked to hear I wanted to bake. Baking is my life but the pandemic all but killed my interest in it. I felt shocked as I got butter out of the fridge, refilled the all-purpose flour bin. Shocked, but vaguely, strangely good.

The energy jolt actually wore me out a bit, I think, and I collapsed for a nap at about 4. A thick sleep, the best kind. No tears or nightmares, no screaming. Woke up in time for…